Welcome to 2013, I guess

It’s a new year.  Society insists that this means something, so here are some changes I’d love to see in 2013.

No more legitimate news outlets telling us what’s ‘trending’ on twitter.  It will be a long time before that feels professional.  Alternatively, it will be a long time before news outlets are overall so unprofessional that mention of twitter fits right in.

No more zombies.  I’d love it if aliens came to Earth and gave us a real apocalypse.  “We were going to leave you alone, but all the zombie stuff is getting way annoying.  Also vampires.  If you didn’t want us to find you, you shouldn’t have been broadcasting crap like the atomic number of hydrogen into space.”

Everyone, please calm down about Quentin Tarantino.  Our obsession with him is like opening a letter and freaking out about how incredible the stamp was and never paying any attention to what was inside the envelope.  Let’s let movies be movies and quit going overboard about actors and directors.  Exception: Baron Davis.

Slow the buzz about Instagram.  Yeah, it’s nice that modern technology now allows us to imitate past technology, but sepia tones aren’t what makes old pictures cool.  In doing research last semester I came across some old photos, and what made them interesting to me was their content, not their faded quality.  The idea that these photos captured a slice of time and culture was the draw—antiqued pictures of college partying and Applebee’s entrees don’t give you that feeling, at least not yet.

I’ve always wondered what those “campus brand representative” job ads actually mean, and 2012 provided an answer in the form of the new Wendy’s commercial girl.  Those job descriptions say things like “earn money for doing what you already do—telling your friends about great products.”  The practical problem here is that if you acted like Wendy all the time, your friends would kill you, and then your employer would have to find a new campus representative.  I’m actually not sure if I want more or less of these commercials.  They’re exasperating, but they also ensure I will never submit my resume to an opening where I’d have to do anything like what Wendy’s doing.

Retire the phrase “good times with great friends.”  Come on, people, get creative.  Or at least specific.

This has been too negative so far; I’m just complaining about things I wish would go away.  What was good about last year?  Science was on point.  Higgs-Boson discovery, Curiosity on mars, the Felix Baumgartner jump—give us more of that.  Successful running quarterbacks in the NFL have been great for watching football and for playing fantasy—ask any RGIII, Cam Newton, Colin Kaepernick or Russell Wilson fan/owner.  I experienced zero delayed flights and zero lost bags for an entire calendar year, which has analysts flummoxed and airline executives yelling at each other trying to find out where the mistake was made.

Like most years, good things happened and bad things happened in 2012.  People viewed some of these things as routine and some as aberrations, but mainly, good and bad things happened, which isn’t an aberration at all.

Thankfully, good and bad things will happen again this year.  Good luck out there.


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