Spare Olympic (Mostly Basketball) Thoughts and an an Important List

As a red-blooded American, I spent much of the last two weeks glued to the Olympic Games. Every four years, my love of America gets to mix with my competitive nature in a healthy way as I root for Team USA to bring home every gold medal. As I observed a lot of Olympics, here’s a few thoughts:

  • During the gold medal men’s basketball game, Jesse Eisenberg was on screen and was identified as Mark Zuckerberg. This seems as good a time as any to introduce Irrational Confidence to the Eisenberg Uncertainty Principle. This theory states that there comes a certain point (and it’s completely at random) where an actor or actress becomes more recognizable as a person they’ve portrayed than as themself. Jesse Eisenberg as Mark Zuckerberg is who the theory is named after, but Danny McBride is probably the second most famous case. No one knows who Danny McBride is, but EVERYONE knows who Kenny Powers is. As they should. Try and doubt that. This Olympic moment not only proves how shoddy NBC’s broadcast team was, but it also proved the Eisenberg Uncertainty Principle.
  • I love watching basketball players who are role players or downright scrubs in the NBA become absolutely incredible in international play. Patty Mills for Australia, Juan Carlos Navarro for Spain, and Andrei Kirilenko for Russia among others were amazing to watch but at the same time I wondered what it would take for those skills to translate to the NBA. I want these people to continue to be recognized as great players, not just great international players.
  • Kobe was everywhere during these games. It seemed like I couldn’t watch another competition without a crowd shot of Kobe just chilling taking in the games. His Facebook game was strong too, getting pictures with all kinds of athletes and ending each update with the phrase “Mamba Out!”
  • I appreciate and respect gymnasts so much. I have no doubt that I cannot do anything that they do on a daily basis. That being said, it really seemed like McKayla Maroney was trying to seduce the camera every time she was on screen.
  • McKayla Maroney also created a great moment when she became self-aware and started making her own “McKayla is not impressed” photos.
  • I can’t believe that the US doesn’t field a handball team. You’re telling me we don’t have enough washed up or sub-par (or even great college) basketball players who want to be Olympians? It seems like a slam dunk! We’re not using Rajon Rondo for basketball, let’s have him run a handball team! Do you think he wouldn’t be so mad about it that he’d become the greatest handball player of all time? Of course he would!
  • Usain Bolt is the greatest. Probably the only time I ever rooted for a non-American when Americans were competing. There’s something about watching him dominate that makes me want to love him. And except for that 4X100m relay, he still refuses to finish a race at full speed. I would love to adopt him as an American.
  • Michael Phelps was SO ANGRY after everyone wrote him off on Day 1 and proclaimed this Lochte’s Olympics. It wasn’t even close after that. Lochte looked like a boy in a man’s game from that point forward and Phelps reminded us all that he’s one of the greatest Olympians ever, if not number one.

After taking in a lot of sports that I didn’t quite understand, it made me realize how much I miss softball as an Olympic event. I was a diehard softball fan in college, even being recognized as an official heckler for the OU Softball team along with a group of my friends. The following is an list of sports that I watched where I audibly asked why this was an Olympic Sport and softball wasn’t.This is also completely biased because I not only love softball but I would have known people on the national team which is, admittedly, kind of cool.  (All comments should be taken as tongue in cheek. As I readily admit, I, for the most part, understand none of these sports

  1. Judo
  2. Tae Kwon Do
  3. Windsurfing
  4. Sailing
  5. ALL EQUESTRIAN EVENTS (Seriously, the horse does all the work)
  6. Shooting
  7. Table Tennis (If softball was taken out because America was too good, let’s stop giving guaranteed medals to China here. Since the sport was added in 1988, there have been 3 non-Chinese gold medal winners. This includes men’s singles, women’s singles, men’s doubles, women’s doubles, and mixed doubles)
  8. Steeple Chase (This one’s still pretty entertaining though)
  9. Water Polo (Immense skill, but I have no idea what’s going on)
  10. Synchronized Swimming
  11. Synchronized Diving
  12. Race Walking
  13. Rhythmic Gymnastics

All of these seemed less viable as a sport than softball. It’s sad to see what is an incredible event be cast aside. Hopefully the IOC will realize their error and reinstate softball for 2016. This concludes my rant and my brief Olympic thoughts. If you understand any of the sports I’ve cast aside, please explain them to me in the comments so I can better appreciate their merit.

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One thought on “Spare Olympic (Mostly Basketball) Thoughts and an an Important List

  1. Ah, but you overlook one problem with your argument regarding table tennis. If softball had been removed because one nation was too good, you would be correct — but softball was removed because the *United States* was too good. Or at least perceived to be that way. I expect some fussy little Eurocrat somewhere on the IOC wants women’s basketball gone, too.

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